vulnerable

I guess when people get stronger extrinsic, they get vulnerable intrinsic.
Maybe our body just has set amount of "building blocks".
The more I try to use these building blocks to build up a unbreakable outfit, the more vulnerable I am inside my heart.
And I know if I fell this time, no one will be down there catch me. Koko, you were there as a safety net for me made me feel secured. Everything has been changed now, I came home alone from a frustrating day, and I have no one to talk to anymore. Sometime I just keep questioning myself, why do I fight so hard to survive? Can I just let it go for one second, will I be dashed into pieces in next second?
Cried hard on bed, but I don't know why.
Maybe when you said" have a good night", it felt so distanced...or maybe when we ended your conversation every time, I really have to hold the words " I love you" back, just make sure it wouldn't slip out of my mouth.

"Good night koko...and I love you." as we said thousands of times before.